I am stoping @ 23dec2011.

am i asking for too much?

how can anyone ignore a message send?
and on top of that, a reply is requested......

the shit.

All the best for your exam. =D

i still remember,

i used to call you every single night during my exam period.
be it 1 min, or 1 hour.
it's just a source of energy to keep me going.

now, it's your turn,
without the calling.......

but still you have my best wishes.


BEST OF LUCK~

You Have My Blessing....

since the day i left you to discover your happiness,
i entrusted you to this guy*, that i hope will love you.

this is the only way i can give you my blessing,
carefully and gently....

wonder

part of the reason why we broke off is because of my studies,

but after we broke off, i cant find a reason to study.

result drop,

no longer motivated to study.......

sometime i just wonder is this a right decision ?

contradiction

sometime i wish you know,

but sometime, i just wish you know nothing.

As a small child, 

I felt in my heart two contradictory feelings, 

the horror of life and the ecstasy of life.


for once, i felt forever when i'm with you,
but now......
pain and misery

Reflect

Look into the mirror,
if you don't like what you see,

look into my eyes,
I'm the only mirror that you will ever gonna need.

stage 3 is what left us off....

    1          2            3             4           5            6

i'm sick....

below are what i'm following me recently....

• Bleeding from the nose
• Throat swelling
• Headache
• Unclear vision
• Hearing problems
• Muscle pain and weakness of muscles
• Swelling and weakness of the tongue
• breathing problems
• Difficulty to speak properly
• Falling eye sight
• Weakness of the face muscles
• Difficulty to move and raise the shoulders
• Difficulty to tilt the neck
• Infection in the nose, throat, neck etc
• Dehydration

hopefully this checklist will be remove ASAP.

1 week of school,last sem of poly.

1st week of school, 

and the feeling is rather awkward. 

for 5 semester straight, 

you will always be my side and get me well prepared for school..

this is for the first time, 

i have to appreciate the word 

independent** 

all by myself....

To wake up on time,

to pack my stuff in,

to get new shirts,

and to spend my extra time alone...

my free time used to be filled by you,

calling me, 

texting me, 

keeping me company.

my weekend,

morning = breakfast together

afternoon = shopping

night = movie

and finally end the day cuddling you to sleep.

 i miss those day, but i clearly know that we are not meant to be together,

i'm too young for you,

and both of us have to admit that.

i can't provide you with material*
that all girl at your age want.

sometime i wonder,

if today i'm a rich _ _ _.

will i still have a real relationship??

i doubt so, 

because money attract girl who look for material life....

yesterday jun asked me,

" do you think she ever truly love you before?"

and i answered

" yes, she did. and i always knew it..."

" did you in any point during the relationship, deviate before?"

"no, i don't see a reason to do it"

nose having menses

Detoxifying

the secret behind each drop of blood.

sunset...

i'm thinking of submitting this for photo competition,
it may not be up to standard,

but i feel that,

this is the best way to preserve this finest moment =D 

i still remember ...

A Day That i will never forget....

13/10/2011

The Day I finally wake up from my shitty life.

Gotten this text from my close friend and i realize,

i'm not alone.


After you left, i felt that i'm in the lost of the world,
empty, 
directionless
and aimless.

Took up to a lot of other stupid alternative. (just to felt secure again)
and end up damaging mine own health.


i always feel that i am smart enough to differentiate what is right, and what is wrong.
i always knew the consequence of doing certain things.
but is just that when i lost you,
i don't see a reason that held me back from doing those things.


perhaps you might be thinking that i am now pushing the blame to you, for setting me to be in such situation.
but no, 
i blame no one.


IT'S MY OWN DECISION 


i never regretted until today.
i realize, so what if you are gone,
turning to shitty alternative is PURELY stupid!
it's never the end of the world,
some friends will always be there for you,
friends that see me as a family.


i'm on my way back from butter factory when i receive the message,
initially, i thought friend will just take what i doing to be something cool,
but NO,
i'm wrong!


They are actually worried,
(TO JM, JIT, and friends)
i'm really sorry for being such a let down,
you all have my words. 
and for this,
I SWEAR!


(TO WINNIE) 
i'm sorry for bringing you down to this,
i'm really sorry....
 and don forget our promise


We all had a promise!!!

the thing that really touch me is that,
friends out there may not be physically there for me,
but, when they saw me sinking deeper,
and when they can chose to let me be it
they GRAB me back.


in the future, 
if the word success** followed me.
you guys are those people that i will never forget.


i have set a goal for myself.
My current GPA is 3.17.
to enter a local uni i will need at least 3.5, which i doubt that i have the ability to do it.
because even if for this sem, i got 4 point my GPA wont go up to 3.5.


but, i will still give it a shot,
for my friends.
i will do it for you guys.
even if i fail to enter local uni,
and have to go oversea, all of you will be a SCAR.
something that will be etched on my mind forever.


it is today that i know who are my real friend
i learnt how to really see,
not by the eyes,
but by the heart.






  

THANK YOU!

childish...

THIS IS FUCKING CHILDISH!

ever had this thought in mind??

nope, not at all,

for people who bother to vandalize the body for love,

think about the word * worthiness* 

if one can leave you and pretend not to know you,

why do you even bother to leave a scar for he or she.

will she know if you ever bleed,

cry,

go on depress

for her?

the answer is no, 

and if the answer if yes,

you should feel worse,

because, here you are crying, self hurting for her, and yet she don't give a dam about this,

what make you think that there is even happiness between you two in the future..

yes, i must admit,

moment that have been shared cant be erased away,

but take this as a learning process,

a process, a journey for you to learnt how to to find a real love,

someone that really love you.

i always thought that i found one,

but i came to realize,

it's after all just a thought,

and it's not real.

i give up everything to exchange your love,

and in return,

our relationship ended up as a broken one,

not even as friend.

i will never blame anyone except myself,

i'm too foolish, too naive to think that,

i will reap what i sow.

to think that love have no boundaries of age

i should always knew that age matter,

especially to this materialist world.

money win over anything,

you have the cash, you can make a bash with a wire mesh.  

Habit...

For some reason,
i never ever doubt that im a person that live in a habitual life.


i remember there is once i told you...
once i develop a habit, its hard for me to change,
and you are my habit, my addiction.
a part of life....

anyway, life have been awesome during this holiday,
as i said,
this is the first no string attach holiday...


i enjoyed, created moment,
but somewhat i feel incomplete.
there is no sense of accomplishment.


i did lots of shit, and it's screwing up my life.
just yesterday when i got back home, i stay up the whole night trying to recall what have i COMPLETED during this holiday.

and i realize apart from shit stuff i have done,
there is nothing worth me laying down on my bed and smile to myself.


5 weeks and yet there is nothing.
(sad, sads, saded, sadding, sadden,)

anyway there is this saying i randomly thought of,


"The money spent, to buy your friend a present is not a thought, is just a waste of money as it could be used to spend time with your friend."


This just remind me of how hard i used to save my money so that we can go oversea,
spend time together,
although the country that we go may not be those classy one,
but still i believe there is a lot of money that will follow us till we are old.

i have met many new friends during the holiday,
to almost all of them, i shared our story to them,
the good time we have,
and how childish both of us can be,


i'm never shy to share about this,
instead, i feel proud,
as this is a growing journey that consist of just me and you.


i learnt many things from you,
and the reason why i chose to blog down this is because,
i hope 10 years down the road,
when i really grow up,
this can be a reminder.....
to spell the word.......
"cherish"

  

Friends

When they need you,
They will call you, text you,
Ask you to go over....
Ask you for money...
Ask you for a favor...
Get you in to trouble...

And when you are fully utilized already,
They fuck you aside.

Asking your own money back, seem more like you are begging your money back..
Money fuck a friendship..
A relationship...
A kinship...

If only I'm one rich fuck.
I will have no problem..
Cause people around will then crawl to me,
Sucking me up..

For people who stayed with me.

Wait, and witness this.


Don ever fucking take my kindness as my weakness.

Silence and peace

Somewhat, and somehow
there are just too many thing
happen around me that make me remind of you,

A song, a show, a picture...
I dunno about you,
But,
To hear from a friend that the guy that you be with right now is
Much better than me really suck,

MUCH BETTER!

I just feel that I'm backstabbed.
What's the link...
No link,
I think this place have just become mine personal lement corner...

Fortuitous...

something just cant be erased,
can anyone, someone....
teach me how is it possible for one to let this go so fast and so quickly.....

a replacement?
a better replacement?
a replacement which can do a lot better?
a replacement that claim that he or she will love you more?
a replacement that can satisfy your material needs?

i dont think i need one.
cause i never believe anyone can ever be replaced.
no one.

Last post....

School reopening soon,
met up with wu and irene,
learnt that you are doing fine,
got a good guy,

rich,
love you,
dote you,

and as from what i know,
he is a good one.....

so,
nothing much,
you will have my blessing.

HUI JUAN!
please,
for the last time,
don't ever get the wrong guy ever again.
lead a good life,
stay happy,

good bye.
Ps.
last song for you...

Treasure......

Between separation

you find treasure...

The green within the black......

It is the fact that,
sometime you just had too much memories
with this special someone,


it take twice the time for you
to forget,
to realize, that things now need to be added with an _* _* _* _* ed behind

happy birthday to me.

alright,
its my birthday 2 days ago.
charming 20,
(muahhahhahahah)
expecting at least a wish from you....
but apparently after 1 whole day of waiting,
nope, nothing....

so i suppose i will need to get over this asap

anyway, birthday was spend in the hospital
alcohol poison.
LOL!
suppose to be stronger, but i think that shot was too over powering =D


so being a stubborn childish boy right here,
i still insist that you owe me a present
yes, no doubt,
that's what you promise,

Appreciate ........

Some people come into our lives and left quickly.....

Some stay for a while and leave footprints....
but what you left for me
is memories that will etch on to my hearts

now and forever....

 

Time may heal everything,
but it's the scars that will never fade with time....

it is never going to be the same as before...

Everything happens for a reason.
and that is why people changes....
so that one can learn to let go.....

Just like,

in life there are certain things that need to go wrong
so that you appreciate them when they’re right.

Destiny

Destiny brought us together,

to fall in love with each other...

Today we are separated,
and,
i was told to let you go,

to find for
your happiness.

But if the choice is within me,
i would rather give up the whole world,
to exchange the love that we have once fabricated together,

I have lost the ability to love,
and to say i love,
because i have left my heart with you.....

 

Security........

Security

a word that cannot be described verbally
because it is a action, a hug....

given by:
someone you love
someone you know that will always be there for you
someone you can trust
someone.......


this word was once clearly defined by both of us,
but now we are left alone,
to explore this world by our self,

ps,
if one day you think you need a safety harbour,
look back,
and i'm always here for you...

your happiness.....

i hope that my withdrawal from this relationship
can bring you a double happiness* in your future...

moment.....

The greatest creation in this world is a camera,

for it capture memories that will last forever....

be it happiness or sadness, 

the moment captured

will not diminish with time,

it only fade with the person holding on to it.